This Blog is everything but the TRUTH!

Statutory warning: Reading for more than once a day can cause permanant damage to your grammatical skills, prolong reading can even lead to complete breakdown of your English!

Friday, October 3, 2008

I am what I am not!

I, a dhokla-thepla-jalebi-rasgulla-payassum-firni-lassi admirer-hogger takes an oath that in this blog at least I will write the truth and nothing but the truth.
Promises made to others were never kept and are not supposed to be kept, but promise made to myself I suppose will be kept!
By this time you must have easily put a question mark on my integrity and by the end you will even question my sanity.
Gujju families have a tradition of stuffing till death their loved one's with rich-creamy-'obese'ning food. I am an over sized about to burst victim of this horrific ritual. With an amount of fat that can solve world's energy problems I try to creep myself into more shocking gujju clothes. If seen from Saturn I resemble an orange-purple-magenta coloured blob on earth's surface. Enough of my outer and one-look-and-you-will-definitely-puke facade.
"Confused" one word and that summarizes my existence, to many who know me, supposedly well, will have this perception of me being a very clear headed (to some extent even intelligent) kind of a guy. But well people, it is wrong, all my thoughtful stares into the void are nothing but my mind trying to decide the next thought to be processed. Only advantage my mind gives me in this big-bad-dirty-competitive world is excellent memory and good observation skills. Mixed with dollops and dollops of luck (touch wood-glass-iron-gold-diamond-amoeba-fungus-mars-moon whatever keeps that damn luck going). So as I was saying that I have a wafer-thin processor (which stops working at a drop of a hat-cap-bra-panties) with large sized hard di's'k (with just one letter change in last word this blog would turn into porno-bio-graphy) and negligible wait states. In engineering terms I have no patience and also am in a 'steady state of motion'.
Lets delve a bit inside. First impression: innocent-fun-loving-calm-composed-intelligent-helpful-emotional-hard-working-unimportant-harmless human. Second to (infinity - 1) impression: cunning-shameless-lazy-ruthless-impatient-shrewd-intelligent-carefree-flirtatious-selfish-CONFUSED demon.
Truth: innocent-fun-loving-calm-composed-intelligent-helpful-emotional-hard-working-unimportant-harmless human.
Sometimes, no many times, I look up and murmur,
"Man you took some doing"


buddy said...

sahi hai!
PS: innocent? ??
ill also give a 3rd impression soon
lovely writing!

KV said...

Great start!!!
I guess you have eulogised yourself a bit too much... my impression...Cool- Despo-Wacky-Imbecile-Intelligent(well had to admit this)-Creative(all that scale-protractor-Calci cum pencil stuff)-Rum lover who never drops and maintains his soberiety only to see others inebrieted n take advantage(ok this ones a hyperbole)-Excellent Advertiser(Can convince anyone with a headache to buy a SUV, i hope u know tht marketing story)-n blah blah....

Whooo.. Guess even u must have dozed off reading all tht crap...



KV said...

BTW didnt Bala sue u for copying his template of URl fr ur blog???

Bala hope u r listening ;)

arms8586 said...

Abbe Gujju/Copy Cat.....Should have selected something different and wacky name...At least you are dat much creative that you need not copy someone else's name.

Anyways nice start......I should also start with the name "Daal Baati".....:)


pankit said...

My so called impressions of urs:

First n last impression:
fun-loving (yes u r..wat wit those crazy things v done over 4 yrs), intelligent (darn i have to admit), helpful (u must have been to some1..not me though.. :P), emotional (i assume so..),
hard-working (this i can vouch for personally),
cunning-shameless-lazy-ruthless-shrewd-selfish (these r js synonyms to viral doshi),
intelligent (damn i gotta say this again js to get that effect!)

but trust me man this is good one..so will have to include "writing skills" in it too.. :D :D

u did end up using all the good words in ur "true" impression..so had to clear out a few impressions of my own!!! seems like ended up writing a testimonial for u.. :P

Fat Gujju! said...

@all: Thank You!!

Mihir said...

my babes
too good
confused? ?????
man dat was a really good 1
something i never thot b4
food and all and how does it make us look

1 advice for all da readers on food

no matter how much u eat....ur body wil answer it all.....

great work viral
a bit confusing
but dnt target gujju man
dont comment like dis in a secular nation

Haider said...

"Gujju families have a tradition of stuffing till death their loved one's with rich-creamy-'obese'ning food. I am an over sized about to burst victim of this horrific ritual. With an amount of fat that can solve world's energy problems....." hahahhahahahahah....hhahaha