Thank You!

Human mind is so finnicky!
Damn was in a total fuckked mood yesterday, for more details. But now today I am raring to take on the world (as my present facebook tagline goes).
Here I want to thank all my well wishers who had showed actual concern towards me. So whatever it was a cherished message, a long chat on gtalk, phone call, everyone bigg thank you!...
What I feel is a key to come out of such moods is:
1) Communicate.. communicate... communicate... nothing can beat that.. more u talk more u feel comfortable... go talk it out... plaster it all over ur internet space.... change taglines in Facebook / Orkut / GTalk
2) Watch porn
3) Think about something pleasent (ya u can again watch porn!)
4) Do unmentionable things for that momentary pleasure
5) If u plan to do point 1, dont follow 2 to 4
Chao.. nothin much to say now....
better / intellectual blog to come up in two three years..

Help!

usually we r suppose to write something intellectual and well formatted on this god damned blog of ours.. as our blog supposedly represents our inner self n we want to portray our best inner ourselves to oders... we want more n more people to read / contemplate on our blogs n our thinking... write good comments on it .. make us feel good... make us feel tht wat we hav written is really well thot of.. it is worth a booker prize!
but r we really tht well formatted n organized in our mind?.. do we really think this logically and nicely?... is our mind soo damn colorful or neat?... do we really give a damn of wat is written here?...
Nope not in my case... if anything this blog of mine represents my present condition .. i hav made a conscious effort not to 'backspace' anything ... not to format.. not to use spell checker nothin here... here presenting before u .. i.e. if anybody cares... the raw naked maself... accept it or leave it.. who cares?... atleast i hav d guts to spell out the truthful maself...
guys actually speakin we dont give a fuck abt any abstract topics all d time... i m not sayin i dont think abt serious stuff.. but compared to d oder earthly things.. it takes up verry less time!.. so y does my blog (so called representation of myself!) hav to hav only tht...
dunno for how long i will keep this post posted... as soon as my mood changes .... n i start givin some fuck of my cousins / frens who frequent internet... this will b long gone...

till thn...
"fuck u world!"

'friend'

HE and I share a very difficult relationship; I don't care much about HIM and HE cares too much about me.

Saw you for the first time in line, waiting for lunch. Would not have recollected the day had it not been for your sweet smile to no one in particular.
You turned out to be the organizer of the committee in which I was coaxed to volunteer by others. Again the initial apprehension to talk to you for absolutely no reason, may be HE was playing a trick, a very mean trick. One up for HIM.

So 'friend' we failed to talk for the first time, you hesitated because of my unshaven and natural I-do-not-give-a-damn look and I because for the first time, surprisingly, was not interested.

HE vs. I = 2 - 0

Then the first day when you called my desk to ask a doubt, I cracked a stupid joke to relieve your tension, and you laughed heartily. My life changed!

HE vs. I = 2 - 1

All of sudden I found myself going to your desk, passing some vague comment on your collection of teddy bears. Still the same smile, would have killed anyone for that one smile! Our courteous calls evolved into discussions on nothing in particular. First I used to find reasons to talk to you, all of sudden you became the reason of my talking.

You loved to talk, I talked;

You loved to gossip, I loved gossip;

You loved yourself, may be I ....

HE vs. I = 2 - 2

HE is losing touch!

Then the fourth day I was really enthusiastic about we going for a walk, also wanted to ask you something very important. Saw you hunched at your desk talking to someone. Should I disturb or should I not? Hell!! I know her well to disturb and may be some credit card company is bugging her on phone. I tapped your shoulder, you looked back and on registering my face, flashed that smile. That involuntarily made me smile too. You murmured into the phone,

"Darling, I will call you back, a 'friend' is here......"

HE won!

I am what I am not!

I, a dhokla-thepla-jalebi-rasgulla-payassum-firni-lassi admirer-hogger takes an oath that in this blog at least I will write the truth and nothing but the truth.
Promises made to others were never kept and are not supposed to be kept, but promise made to myself I suppose will be kept!
By this time you must have easily put a question mark on my integrity and by the end you will even question my sanity.
Gujju families have a tradition of stuffing till death their loved one's with rich-creamy-'obese'ning food. I am an over sized about to burst victim of this horrific ritual. With an amount of fat that can solve world's energy problems I try to creep myself into more shocking gujju clothes. If seen from Saturn I resemble an orange-purple-magenta coloured blob on earth's surface. Enough of my outer and one-look-and-you-will-definitely-puke facade.
"Confused" one word and that summarizes my existence, to many who know me, supposedly well, will have this perception of me being a very clear headed (to some extent even intelligent) kind of a guy. But well people, it is wrong, all my thoughtful stares into the void are nothing but my mind trying to decide the next thought to be processed. Only advantage my mind gives me in this big-bad-dirty-competitive world is excellent memory and good observation skills. Mixed with dollops and dollops of luck (touch wood-glass-iron-gold-diamond-amoeba-fungus-mars-moon whatever keeps that damn luck going). So as I was saying that I have a wafer-thin processor (which stops working at a drop of a hat-cap-bra-panties) with large sized hard di's'k (with just one letter change in last word this blog would turn into porno-bio-graphy) and negligible wait states. In engineering terms I have no patience and also am in a 'steady state of motion'.
Lets delve a bit inside. First impression: innocent-fun-loving-calm-composed-intelligent-helpful-emotional-hard-working-unimportant-harmless human. Second to (infinity - 1) impression: cunning-shameless-lazy-ruthless-impatient-shrewd-intelligent-carefree-flirtatious-selfish-CONFUSED demon.
Truth: innocent-fun-loving-calm-composed-intelligent-helpful-emotional-hard-working-unimportant-harmless human.
Sometimes, no many times, I look up and murmur,
"Man you took some doing"

Why?

Why do I have to sleep early?
Why am I always bugged for keeping late nights?
Why is my mom so concerned about me?
Why does she loves me in spite of I not being worth it?
Why anyone would want to love me?
Why does life gives so much importance to love?
Why is life being given such importance?
Why do we have to prioritize things in life?
Why many of these questions are answered by one more question?
Why am I looking out for answers?
Why is my first blog asking so many questions?
Why do we have to comment other peoples blogs to gain recognition?
Why does my blog seek that recognition?
Why do I need recognition?
Why is this series of questions inspired from some one else?
Why I did not get this inspiration?
Why is this blog turning out to be a total bullshit?
Why am I thinking about anything?
Why?